end of spring updates: 5/25/25
β warning: suicidal thoughts mention but like super brief hiiiii long time no posstttttt so i actually dont really have a reason for witing this i just felt like it was time for a general life update and also i dont feel like i want the post at the top being the konoe figure image anymore for aesthetic reasons LOL i did get the figure he is very pretty
as i mentioned in the last post my mom and i have to move out of our house for a month while it get scleaned due to the fires and right now its fine i think we start living there tomorrow we've been moing stuff in today and yesterday but we'll start sleeping and living there tomorrow. its an airbnb and its pretty nice its small but very cute i like my room the bed takes up 80% of the space so i'll have to use the nightstands as a desk fpr my pc hehe
but because i have o move everything out of my room i thought it was the perfect time to take pictures of all my clothes n shit and start making a page for my stuff. i think its been something ive thought about doing for a while but i really got motivated to start making mine when i saw gristlepod's jfashion page it looks so nice anyways idk when i'll be done with it as of right now ive taken pictures of all the clothes and accessories i want to feature on it and have already packed them up but i still have to take pictures of my electronics and anything else i want to put in the "objects" catagory. i've already packed up most of the electronics im taking and put them in the new house so i might have to wait a little.
im graduating high school in 2 weeks and this past month has been PRETTY BAD liek maybe a little over a month ago i was seriously considering suicide for 2 days then i had matcha ice cream and was kind of ok for a week or two until i started feeling it agin then i had anopther tub of matcha ice cream. but ive still benn feeling incredibly bad liek i think those 2 days were probably the lowest ive felt in a while dare i say my entire life since i was thinking about ending it for real. overall ive just been feeling terrible like i feel bad about everything i do more than usual., leaving high school not having a job having with nothing i want to do in life not in a "i dont know what i want to be when i grow up" way but in a i dont have anything i want to live for way. yea its just been terrible asked if i should start smoking cigarettes on instagram shoutout to the 7 out of 40 something people who said yes and its been ROUFGH
during that time, for the first time since last school year, i just gave up and wore my costco hoodie and sweatpants to school becuase i was so tired and done. ive been wearing studded belts and outfits i like for the entire school year but i was so tired and i was feeling bad about all my outfits lately so i just didnt. but what felt even worse than being tired was not being myself and not wearing those studded belts.. it wasnt me.......sniff sniff.π₯.. so the next day i put that shit back on and it was giving katherine from catherine if she got locked in a hot topic i havent played those games yet but i'll never forget a bad bitch when i see one
but yknow what hasnt been bad about the last couple of months IVE BEEN PLAYNIG THROUGH THE ENTIRE METAL GEAR SOLID SEIRES started with mgs1 for the ps1 on psp and it took me the longest to play compared to every following game because i made sure to only play at school. why? ive litereally had so little to do at school that ive had to plan what to do in advance like literally 60% of my day on average is doing nothing ibe run out of things to do on my phoen i need to bring out the big guns (my psp). it took maybe 2 months i started in february and played during most periods at school for most days consistantly until i got to the torture segment and it was hard and i quit for a couple weeks or so then i came back and beat it first try and continued playing it up until i finished it on the first day of spring break. next i played the og ps2 mgs2 on my pc and i played it for 3 days straight so good i genuinely think every american should play these games especially mgs2 liek i cannot stress that enough its so good. next was mgs3 and i beat that in like 3 days as well on pc with th eog ps2 ver next was mgs4 unfortuneately my pc is too shit to run it on emulator i downloaded it and tried to run it but it couldnt take it so i just watched a no comentary playthrough. then i played mgrr GOPDDD GODGOD GOD GOD this graph i drew during class represents my april 2025 perfectly
then i started mgsv and was so mad and hated it that after like 2 levels i opened mgrr and played it start to finish in one sitting. then i thought about it and went "no. it was good" and went back to playing and developed a severe mgsv addiction i played it from dan til dusk it was so engrained into me evrynight i went to bed with the vivid sound of gunshots and explosions still ringing in my head and when i went to sleep my dreams were mgsv missions. dont even get me started on when i got quiet omfg omfg best moments of my life you have no idea how. sad. i was when they took her away from me you know i played that boss fight 6 times to get her back. but also during the begining of mgsv i realized i forgot about portable ops and peace walker and mgsv ground zeros i started with the phantom pain which were very important for the big boss story line ESPECIALLY PEACE WALKER AND GROUND ZEROS THATS LITERALLY CRUCIAL so i downloaded portable ops and peace wealker which shouldve actually worked pretty well since they were psp games that i could take to school and play there while i play mgsv at home. nope i started p[laying portable ops and the controls were so bad i quit after the tutorial mission and decided to try peace walker. the controls and overall gameplay were a tiny bit better since i was already acustomed to the mother base building stuff from mgsv but overall i was dying that shit was kinda miserable and then i get to the second peace walker fight in like chapter 4 or something and its over i cant do it anymore i quit yea. I STILL LOVE MGSV THOUGH YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA will i play the first 2 metal gear swho knows it stills really funny not having played the most crucial games that set up everything and are important to basically every game and plot point in the series ough anyways back to mgrr and raiden ive been obsessed dont look at my last.fm you dont need to see my track history
ok other shit as part of doing my schools computer science course thing for all 4 year is got this medal and it means a lot to me its really the only thing about graduation ive cared about did i mention i skipped a fully payed for prom to play mgsv LMAO