me? 12/31/23
im very introverted dont talk much, rarely talk at all much outside of my friend group. when im in class it brings me fear, uncomfort, and sadness when i have to talk to others because i simply wont do it. some people say its because of anxiety that im scared people will judge me for not talking when its already been proven to be true. they think im weird and unhelpful. same with my facial expression i dont express much and also im one of the only people at school who still wears a mask which doesnt help. they think i dont care because of the blank expression on my face but i do i just dont show it. my face is tired, my sunken eyes are devoid of light and my dark circles look skull like, sometimes my mom says i have a resting sad face when im just neutral. my hair is in locs and is short but my bangs cover my eyes and add a dark shadow to my already shadowy face, my locs are a bit messy and need to be retwisted but i like how they are length and style wise anyways.
i wear mostly all black if not other shades of gray and monotone i love skeleton and skull patterns and look forward to wearing my studded belts even if my double zip hoodies cover them up. my favorite shirts are death note related and my favorite pants are flared with zippers on the back of the bottom of the legs. my mask that i wear at school isnt something i really like too much its hard having to make sure my face is concealed at all times especially in front of my friends but its become apart of me now and it wont come off until i graduate. i don't wear it everywhere tho just at school or with friends. ig it could be considered part of my outfit since for me its a necessary as pants.
recently ive brought my headphones to school with me so i could listen to goatbed as well as other songs that i like. theyre big, chunky, and black (i made sure to cover any of the red bits with black sharpie) and i totally didnt get this specific pair to look similar to the ones aoba seragaki has. however when i listen to music at school i stop breathing and have no way of fixing it so i will have to stop listening to music there meaning i will also stop bringing my headphones because im so scared of damaging them. when i did put them on tho i hope i looked cool because i love headphones so much and to wear those ones was my dream.
when im at home im at my desk watching something or playing something, most likely both at the same time. i play twisted wonderland on my pc and am a proud ignihyde lover and collecter as i have every ortho card and every idia card except for 1 (his first birthday card story for another day). i call myself a gamer to chanel the ignihyde spirit but should probably play more. i love pirating and playing games on emulators its my favorite activity. i would like to at least sit outside a bit again but its gotten cold so i dont. i do like going outside to look at gardens i hate running into peacocks on the way to school but seeing them walk through a field is nice they sound like cats. i dont like people coming into my house i dont let my fiends in and whenever someone comes over i run and hide in my room or run out of view and hide until i can escape.
i dont think of myself as a main character not in a self centered way but in the way where my life story is that of a side character and my role in life is to be that side character in someone else's life. either by being a no face npc at school, a friend, or an artist online. providing entertainment online or being someone people find off putting irl is my job so i dont really care for how others perceive me since it doesnt really have anything to do with myself. but detaching myself from identity can be equally as harmful as being too dependant on it so this here is who i am. its the end of the year and ive managed to figure it out. i like skeletons, i love blue, i love studded belts, i love technology, im shy, i dont talk, i have anxiety issues, i've had issues with depression and have issues with self harm, i also really enjoy talking about all of it on neocities and also being monsieurdoll. happy new year and new yuri weeee a lot happened in 2023 bad things happened and earlier in the year i thought it was just a bad overall year but when i look back on it this year was really good too and im glad it happened im glad i got dramatical and went through my death note anxiety crisis and so much more because im able to be here now with more experiences under my skull checkered studded belt. shenzi out β