fucking moe: 6/25/25
hiiiii a few days ago i started watching lucky star for the first time and ive enjoyed it a lot. when i was like 9 i really wanted to watch it and loved the opening but couldnt find full episodes on youtube i guess so i never watched it until now. konata is such a real one love a fellow eroge player and shes overall an enjoyable and funny otaku character i liked all the characters actually. as for the show at first it slowly started making me sad like duh obviously what a great idea to watch an anime about school friends hanging out and doing shit at/after school when i've been mourning my graduation for the past month i was like "fuckkkk i wish i had more time i wish i went to the mall and other stores with my friends more OOOUUGGHGHGH talking at lunch IOOOUUUUUGHHGHhghh" but then it got to the half way point and they were like its our last year together wee're gonna go to college soon and i ws like "THERES HOPE" and im writing this after ive finshed all 24 episodes and while im in the middle of watching the ova and i defienately felt better by the end its just a good fun anime but also i feel good seeing them talk about there last year together.
today the first episode i watched was episode 16 and oh my fucking god i ended up getting the exact same phone as konata πa week ago i was looking for keitais and decided on the docomo sh903itv and she got it too at least it looks the same the front and back match and it has the same screen rotate function i guess it was fate ππ more on this later lol
watching all the anime and game store and convention stuff is making me want to go shopping and places like that. anime and games stores are fine but conventions are probably impossible at least for right now. 2 years ago i went to this ortho shroud meetup for his birthday and the event itself was fine i was with a friend and i think we had fun for most of it but i literally cant thinking about it without my chest getting tight and a feeling of dread coming over me and my head hurting i get such bad anxiety remembering and thinking about that event that i have to think about it as little as possible like im so scared of being photographed im scared of people recognizing me from instagram i'd die if i'd have to go through another meetup and interacting with other fans makes me want to die i feel so out of place and im panicking and shit and im terrified of how people think of me and how i look i dont think i could ever go to any type of meetup or convention again. maybe. i still have an intense fear of going to any but ive been working a lot on myself and how i look and i think it might be possible at some point sooner than i think but itr still brings me physical stress remembering and thinking about it. also going back to lucky star conventions then+in japan where probably a lot different from american conventions now and idk if id even find anything i'd want/be interested in there. the stores tho omg the idea of going into a store and finding manga games cds and other merch from things you like seems so good all anime stores at my local mall are like 90% sanrio with miku demon slayer and other stuff im not interested in which is like yea obviously some stores have twst stuff but theres never going to be any 20 year old visual novel merch thats impossible. little tokyo in la has a lot more stuff and options like retro game stores and more but i can rarely go there. whatever my point is watching konata shop for stuff was fun
onto some general life updates outside of lucky star............. the day after i wrote my last blog post it was even worse at night i didnt just cry i was sobbing for hours and just stared at a wall for an hour at 1 am i think and then i knew that as soon as i woke up i had to ask my mom if i could leave the house i could not stay there any longer i had to do something like go to the mall or to a garden. since then ive been on trips to the post office to pick up packages from japan a couple of times, a failed dmv appointment, and i went to a garden and took pictures with my konoe figure for the first time. it was hot and i ended up overheating early so i was dying the entire time and needed to sit down in the shade for like 30 minutes but i liked my outfit a lot. because of how hot it was i didnt take many pictures so at the time it felt like a loss but when i got home and reviewed them and edited some it wasnt that bad i like how they came out. check them out here and here.
i also went to the mall ive been wanting to for a while because there was an amount of things i needed/wanted for things in the future so i did and was very happy shopping by myself. i was in daiso for an hour i couldnt escape i got a lot of things i wanted mainly oshiktasu things and my first eyeliner but theres so much i want to go back for, i also got an umbrella because after going to the gardens i realized how much i needed one
a little after my last blog post i decided i did want to start a new ita bag and got the one i was looking at along with a few new pins. around that time, i also decided i wanted a keitai. i enjoy collecting old technology like some of the laptops ive gotten and my sony walkman + any technology i can find while thrifting i like even if it doesnt work anymore. a keitai was always something cool to consider having and i thought i might as well look for some and soon i went down ebay and meracri jp hell and fell in love with the docomo sh903itv. im waiting for everything i ordered to arrive at the buyee warehouse so i can consolidat them all together but im so excited to start the itabag and test out the new phone which make some excited for being excited because ive been feeling so empty this past month. it still not completely gone i have to try hard to keep myself distracted and give myself something to do while i wait for stuff to get here/when i get my drivers license/when i start college but yea. i dont think buying stuff is the complete solution either theres a plushie i wanted that would look perfect on the ita bag and i found a listing at a good price and was at the checkout when i completely lost motivation and kept asking myself what the point of even owning something was and a few days ago i just felt guilting for owning thinsg at all. hopefully i can get over the guilt i've felt since the day i was born and let myself get things if they make me happy but who knows whatever.
speaking of buying things guess who arrived yesterday
i definitely want to make a page for pictures of my stuff theres so many pages i have to finish like my possessions and portfolio and i might make one for my art and to be honest the biggest thing holding me back is figuring out how i want the nav part on my home page to look like if i want it to scroll or if i'll have to extend its whatever its stupid. for now i'll just have to upload them to my blog look at this cute one
i bought a shit ton of mochi while at the mall and to my surprise i havent felt like eating a lot.. maybe i just need cool things like ice cream this time of the year but wtaching lucky star makes my want to have some with warm tea maybe i'll do that bye everynyan